A New Purpose
by PinkyShrill
Summary: There is a new start for Howl's life with Sophie's presence. A fear he could overcome, a heart he could recover, a strong feeling that he never experienced before. Almost like a retelling of the last scene. Howl's POV.


**A/N:** Woah, it's been forever since I've written! I just watched Howl, yes that's right, JUST watched like YESTERDAY and GOD trust me even I wonder where on earth I've been all my life. So yeah, this is basically a fic made immediately after I watched, in an urge of writing, which I often ignored but decided against it this time. And I'm glad I did what I did. It's almost like a retell of the last scene of the movie, but in Howl's point of view. (The canon part of the story follows the Japanese, which is a tad bit different.)

Anyway, I enjoyed writing this so much, and I hope you'll enjoy it as well. Please pardon anything you might find amiss. AAND! I would really appreciate your review.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Howl's moving castle no matter how much I wish it! There!

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It is as if I have been deep asleep for a very long time. I can't quite register it in my mind about why, when, and how I started that way. My thoughts are as if far out of my reach in an empty dark space, swimming and floating about in the space I can't grasp. I recall, however, the feeling that I get in this empty space inside me. It is so familiar that it might as well be a part of me. How long have I been this way that I feel very accustomed to it? The darkness isn't a warm place, but it feels secure. Somewhere in the corner of my heart though, remembers the danger to this; that I must not indulge myself to the dangerous comfort, or it will drown me and draw me away from my real purpose. What was my purpose again? My mind feels so heavy that even thinking is tiring.

Suddenly I feel something sharp striking through my chest. It feels like blazing fire, creeping through my skin and forcing it's way into my body. Heat suddenly takes over, and I can feel it burning it's way through to my fingertips. It feels painful, like my veins are charged with electricity. At the same time, it ignites something within me, as if a rusty machine is getting rejuvenated suddenly. I draw in a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding, and enjoy the oxygen like I never knew it before. It feels nice. And then I feel warmth.

At that point I know I have experienced that warmth before – I can't remember exactly how long ago – because there is a strong surge of longing it was almost overwhelming. Images flash before my eyes that I can't quite comprehend at first. In the beginning my vision is filled with pictures of a lady, in a plain colored dress and braided white hair. The images are all jumbled so I see the figure as both a girl and an elderly at the same time. The series then gradually switch, and I can see clearer. They show the same figure, but this time she was only a young girl and her hair is brown-colored. An image shows her careful yet gentle expression. Another image shows her smiling as she holds my hand. I didn't realize it, but my fingers are already reaching out for her. But the image switches too quickly.

Then I found myself in a garden at night. A vast garden full of flowers, that stretches on to the hills around it. On one side is a child, and that is I. I am catching a falling star, and put it entirely into my mouth before I swallow it and draw it out from within my chest. The star now envelops my heart. The heart I traded for freedom – for escape.

And that is when she calls me. I have inclined my head over to a side of the garden as if I have anticipated it, and see her calling for my child form. She is the girl with the hair of striking color, which falls straight above her shoulders and sways wildly with the wind. She is calling me, and she is sinking; the earth seems to be swallowing her. I drag my feet forward, breaking into a run so that I can catch her, but the distance doesn't seem to shorten at all. Her name escapes my lips in a shout. _Sophie. _I run harder, hoping to reach her with my hand stretched out, but she doesn't seem to draw any closer. I don't want her leaving. I feel like I would lose her and never find her again if I let her sink. But suddenly black spots cover my vision, and in an instant I am once again taken over by the darkness.

I wake up to a distant chatter. The noise pulls me out of my sleep, and my whole body feels like lead. There is a little throb in my head due to the noises, and I stretch up a little to protest.

"Why is it so loud? What's all the fuss?" I ask sluggishly.

I open my eyes to Sophie's warm brown eyes gazing at mine. I wonder why it feels like a long time since I have last seen her face. I try to get up and process the scene, but something presses me down somewhere in my chest, like a burden that isn't supposed to be there. A grunt escapes my lips.

"I feel terrible," I manage to say to her. "Like I'm trapped under a stone."

Sophie's alarmed expression softens into a warm smile. How long has it been since I last saw that smile? "That's your heart," she says.

"My heart," I half-ask half-repeat. It has been quite a while since I have used that phrase. I have my heart again? Is that why my chest feels heavy, because it suddenly recovered something long lost that it forgot how to bear it?

"A heart is a heavy burden," she says softly.

There is something slightly different about her. She is wearing her hair down, and its length has shortened so much, like it was cut clumsily, that it falls just above her shoulders. "Wow," I marvel at how well the new hair fits her. The color frames her olive-skin profile very well, and her bangs fall over her forehead. It makes her look brighter, which suits her character perfectly. Best of all, "Your hair looks like starlight," I say, brushing my fingers through her hair. It reminds me of that night of my childhood, in the garden. When for the first time, I made a decision by myself. When I first felt hope. When I first saw her.

"It's beautiful," I say, meeting her gaze.

Sophie relaxes under my touch, and slightly leans into me. "You like it, Howl?" She said in a warm smile. "I'm glad!"

And then she suddenly throws her arms around me, knocking us down against the floorboards in a tight hug. I have to recover from the surprise for a second, but after that I can feel my own smile stretching across my face.

I never realized that I have been missing her from the start. That should have been clear since I decided to follow her the moment I first spotted her in the town, even when she wasn't exactly as I remembered. That should have been clear since I approached her without another thought as she was having troubles with the town guards, in the alleyway, even if it meant getting her involved with my troubles. I justified it as mere curiosity at that moment.

But now I can't even begin to imagine how my life would be if I hadn't met her. I am certain I would have been lost in fear, escaping things that were binding me – running away for my own freedom. I would have been engulfed in that empty and dark space in my soul, giving in to the dark magic I possess. In many ways, she has saved me.

"I love you, Howl," Sophie whispers in my hair. I feel a deep ache where my heart has returned. Whatever have I given her enough to even deserve her love? I wrap my arms around her, and would have said something in return if we weren't interrupted by an awkward cough.

"We must get going, Sophie," A man over her shoulders says. We both got up to our knees, and I see a well-dressed gentleman with a bobbed blond hair looking at us with a rather masked smile. Something feels amiss for a moment. "It's dangerous to linger any longer on these breaking wooden planks. Sir Howl," He nods to me, smiling brighter. "It's a great pleasure to finally be able to meet you in my true form."

He has a tall and straight figure, with a royal bearing – someone I am not familiar with at all. I glance around and regard my companies, Markl, Hean, and the old wizard – most of them being sudden additions to the family. There should be another member to the party, one who is casted by a curse that changed his form as a human. Then I tilt my head slightly as I return my gaze to the blond man. "Turnip head?" I ask carefully. He chuckled. "Well, you do know me by _that _name."

I beam at the sight, and get up to inspect him. In my mind is the image of a tattered scarecrow with a grin that covered half of its face. He was under quite a troublesome curse. With that form, a little mistake could break him to pieces, or tear him to shreds. A little stumble could have helplessly immobilized him. "I'm glad you recovered yourself!" I say. And I am truly happy for him, for my once-muted scarecrow family.

We might have talked longer, but we think better of it and climb up the cliff we almost fell off instead. I'm not sure how all of us got there in the first place, until Sophie tells me what happened. She explains the reason of Calcifer's absence, as well as the true identity of Turnip Head. They came as quite a surprise to me, but I welcome the revelation with a smile, since they turned for the better at the end. We don't have a long talk with Turnip Head though, for he hasted to return home.

As a prince of the neighboring kingdom, Turnip Head can help bring the war to an end once he returns. If a treaty can be formed between the two kingdoms, this whole chaos will be over. I entrust him to do the convincing on his side, as I will also do everything in my power to help from my side. It matters no longer if the development might require me to deal directly with my former tutor, Madam Sulliman. Once upon a time I would cower from merely hearing her name. But I realize, with utmost gratitude, that I am no longer fighting by myself. Thus I have strong hope that this war will certainly cease, and my family will be safe. I glance over to the girl leaning into my shoulder as she stares upon the hills. She is the one who gave me bravery. I smile, and put my arm around her waist. That newfound hope relieves me greatly, because _she_ will be safe.

Sophie turns her gaze into mine, and we hold it there. For the longest moment we remain in silence. Her eyes are mixed with relief and weariness and most of all, I daresay, it shows affection. However I am sure that they were really the reflection of my own emotions. "Sophie," I call softly. There are too many things I don't know how to say to her. I want to thank her for everything she has been doing for me. For the hope that she gave in my childhood so I was able to cope during the darkest times of my life. For saving me from the dark power inside me. For returning my heart. For giving me this overwhelming warmth and feeling that I never knew I could feel. She needs to know all this, because she is so much more than she believes.

"Yes, Howl?" She asks me when I didn't continue.

I thought I will be speaking, but instead I find myself leaning toward her and closing the gap between us. I find my lips brushing hers, and I kiss her gently. A gasp escapes from over my shoulder, and then the sound turns into a muffled squeal. I figure in a corner of my mind that it must be Markl, and the Witch of the Waste decides to cover his face with her puffy arms. But the thought immediately evaporates from my mind as Sophie relaxes and kisses me back softly. The feeling sends a thrill I have never felt before, and I find my fingers sliding through her hair and behind her neck, pulling her closer to me.

I never actually had anything that I truly wanted before, except for the desire to be unbound by stronger power. But that seems meaningless now that I found my new purpose. I have failed and succeeded so far, and I have determined to press on with it in the cost of anything within my power. My one and only wish, to protect her until I shall finish this life of mine. For her. My dearest Sophie.

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**A/N: **THANK YOU so very much for reading it to the end! I hope you like it! Please please review!


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